It’s A Bird, It’s A Plane, It’s A Switchblade-Wielding Toddler!
Hit-Girl is my new hero. She is so undeniably enthralling I just want to jump into the theater screen and hug her. But who is this “Hit-Girl”? She’s your worst enemy, that’s who.
The quasi-superhero featured in the movie “Kick-Ass” steals the title character’s thunder and then proceeds to shoot lightning into every scene she’s in. Hit-Girl, or Mindy Macready, is a 12-year-old assassin, the daughter of “Big Daddy” (another fake superhero in the film) and a C4 explosive disguised as a cupcake. This little girl can flip, flop, rage, rock and occasionally whip out a switchblade and throw it into a bad guy’s forehead. Other talents include driving (without a permit, oh my!), taking a gun shot to the chest as if it were nothing more than a BB pellet, pervasively using four-letter swear words and slicing off limbs with a katana-esque pole thingy (it’s what Donatello the purple Ninja Turtle uses except with very, very sharp blades on either end).
The movie is about four wanna-be superheroes with no powers. They fight crime but get beat up a-LOT. Kick-Ass, a geeky high-school in the vein of Peter Parker, almost dies in his first foray in (trying to) kick ass. There’s Kick-Ass, who looks about as intimidating as a coral reef-colored condom, Red Mist, who is actually a completely pointless character in the film, Big Daddy, who is Batman with more artillery and my girl, Hit-Girl.
Kick-Ass is the main character in “Kick-Ass” but Hit-Girl is the main attraction. She’s barely in the movie if you judge her screen time against how many more scenes you WANT her to be in. Her first appearance in costume is the best part of the movie; Kick-Ass is about to be killed when Dora The Explorer’s worst nightmare comes swooping in to save him. “Alright you 
c****s, let’s see what you can do now,” is what comes out of her seemingly innocent mouth. What comes next isn’t an ass-kicking; it’s an all-out slaughter. Hit Girl clears the room to the song “Banana Splits,” a catchy little diddy that would be right at home on a punk-rock version of Seasame Street. Part of her appeal is the very essence of what she is and what she shouldn’t be: a little girl who happens to be a homicidal maniac.
Critics of the movie have been up in arms over the portrayal of a 7th grader doing (and saying) such obscene things. I went in thinking it might be borderline disturbing, but as wrong as it is for me to say this, I enjoyed every minute of her domination. Believe me, by the end of “Kick-Ass,” you actually want her to let loose her rage. She is wronged (not saying how), and painfully, and watching 4 ft. tall killing machine wreak havoc is a shocking delight. Look, it’s just a movie, people. The graphic novel from which the movie is derived remains considerably more gruesome than what’s onscreen. Within it’s own context and in the world of “Kick-Ass,” socially apprehensible behavior replaces any form of reality. The movie has the exact some blood pumping through it’s veins as “Kill Bill” and Matthew Vaughn, the director, clearly has read up on his how-to-film-a- Quentin-Tarantino-action-scene books. It’s all so over-the-top as to be a notch below parody.
If there is to be a sequel, Hit-Girl needs to be front and center. She’s the most gobsmackingly cool female antagonist in years (I’m so going to hell for saying this). “Kick-Ass” isn’t a great film but it’s occasionally great fun, mostly because purple-wigged Chloe Moretz, aka Mindy, is so good at grabbing shock factor by the balls; that is, before she cuts them off.
WARNING: The following clip is extremely R-rated. Watch if you dare.